"A good solution applied with vigor now is better than a perfect solution applied ten minutes later." - George Smith Patton, Jr.
I was wanting more than that. I was wanting my husband to change.
I wasn't impressed, I didn't rebook with her. Eventually, we tried someone else, someone at the opposite end of the spectrum. She was on my side, she wanted to get him to change, too. That didn't fly with my husband.
What I finally realized is that, at the end of the day, you can only change yourself. Your own patterns, your own beliefs, your own mindset.
Anything else invites a whole lot of frustration. Trust me on that, I don’t think you will need to go that deep to understand what I’m saying on an intellectual level.
It took me a long a long time to figure it out. I’m not sure when I did and honestly, I have my good and bad days. I wish I’d figured it out long before I did!
The hardest part is changing your mindset.
It’s not a one-time deal, it takes resetting over and over. Especially as your needs and the needs of your family change.
Finally, I did look at it differently, I decided to take care of my needs on a practical level.
I was never great about hiring someone to watch the kids, so that I could do what I wanted to do. I wish I'd been better about that. As they got older, I did have a friend or two that I would trade kids with.
I did and still do find it's worth it to have someone help with the house once a week. It prevents a few arguments.
I feel that having someone help with the house is cheaper than therapy and can take one source of perceived inequality out of the equation.
Housework, of course, goes on and on. Another idea is having the kids take a more active role. Sometimes it seems like it takes more work initially, but the pay-off for the family is well worth it.
I've been warning my family, that when we get home from this crazy trip, I'm going to expect a lot more of them when it comes to cooking and cleaning up after themselves. My ten year old thinks he's a chef in the making, so I'll take advantage of that!
The second mindset change has to do with lowering expectations or perhaps letting go of the way you think things should be.
That could mean the house isn’t quite as tidy as you would like it, it could mean that your husband buys a different brand of something at the grocery store. It could mean that clothes aren’t folded the way you would do it.
It’s a work in progress, but it’s up to you to prioritize! Below are my top ways to stop wallowing and get on with what you want to do in your life.
Decide what's most important to you. This can be several lists. A daily list would have what you want to accomplish on a daily basis.
Ask for specific help from your partner, or from other support people in your life if you’re a single parent.
The clearer you are on your needs, the more help will be available.
How have you taken charge of making sure you're getting what you need to pursue your goals?
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Hi, I’m Crystal!